This past year my definition of love has shifted into something completely different from my previous understanding. Not to say that I fully comprehend the intricacies of one of life’s most precious driving forces, but I feel like I am closer to a real knowing of it’s true potential.

Love is meant to expand.

A microcosmic experience reflecting the universes desire for growth. Not the industrial, capitalistic conquer and control growth but one that is in true alignment with the highest and best good in the highest and best way for all. In a congruent but counter intuitive action, expansion can only happen where the opposing force is contraction. All of my expectations of the dynamic forces at work growing my heart have been surpassed and at the same time contrasted by a (sometimes cataclysmic) retraction of what I believe love to be. In the vibration of true love, my heart is in its pure knowing, allowing golden truth and clarity of desire to transcend my egos longing for my unmet needs to be in control. In the past this lack of self knowing allowed me to settle, with needs unmet, following grooves so deeply run by trauma and unconscious behaviors. As I fully remove unhealthy coping mechanisms from my life and become increasingly more conscious of self harming tendencies, I’m in a state of contraction. I more clearly am able to objectively view the “real” of my situation. Here I have begun to cultivate and nurture my sense of self worth, love for my essence and the authentic needs I have been neglecting or filling with senseless actions (expansion!). This rededication has shown up huge for me in regards to intimate relationships with others and in my self image.

If relationships are considered to be the reflection of ones self then this would make total sense. Romantic love has a way of showing up when you least expect it, a nice reminder that control is an illusion. Whether you think you are healed (or not) the universe invites you into another level of the expansion/contraction game. My experience this year has been a love so real it has presented the opportunity for immense growth. It is alive and magic. Revealing its self in undeniable symbols of alignment with natures blessings. In the presence of this love, wild animals have blessed us with their company. Notably owls and bobcats, especially on full moons and new moons, reminding me of the auspicious gifts available when we walk gently in observation and make life a ceremony. Becoming crystal clear on my heart’s desires without expectations of how it looks has been strong medicine for me. It has brought forth unrealized desires and generosities that have changed me deeply. It has uprooted my sense of who I thought I was and have left me questioning my unconscious motives helping me remember my truth. Connecting intrinsic & primal yearnings I had not allowed to be prioritized due to social conditioning.

I let go.

Surrendering to the invitation to radiate my true essence has been humbling and full of lessons of trust in a mystery I can not define. It’s more than I could dream and teeters on the edge of fantasy. Testing me to walk a line of purpose and dedication to the highest causes with poise, respect and humility. I am inspired and full of gratitude daily. Loving so deeply, I frequently find myself in a uncomfortable growth periods, rearranging and shifting occasionally unraveling, become closer to the realness of my soul. A flux I am starting to find familiarity in, the more unconscious the trauma and generally the more tumultuous, the bigger the expansion.

Love sometimes pushes away for various reasons, the gift of integration in this distance brings forth gold nuggets of the heart if you listen. I am listening. It isn’t going to show up “perfectly,” it can’t all be expansion, contrary to popular belief. The ebb and flow, death and birth and can be as beautiful as the other in their emotional peaks. Each requiring surrender in accordance to universal principles.

My task here, on earth, at this time is unique and necessary. It is to heal through love and to radiate and reflect living truth. Each relationship, be it friend, family or lover I am a part of represents an avenue of love and healing. I am in love with life, I am in love with you and I am filled with gratitude for both the expansion and contraction that life offers for our continued healing and growth.